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DECEMBER 24, 2016

Dead Broke Black Hole

 

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Lyrics:

so i stole this guitar from some low-life downtown
i've three times been broken by the thievin' dog
i woke up in a freezing teardrop shaped fountain with my teeth on the ground
reflecting in the water, bloody and brown

you know you're three times dead broke
when they findja in a pile of needles like an old x-mas tree
you're really dead broke when you wind up in a situation like me

to the west was a temple. to the east was a roar
never heard that before but i declined to overthink it
as i hung a sail in its wild wind and it cut through my coat
like a mountain lion taking me by the throat

you know you're three times dead broke
when they findja in a pile of needles like an old x-mas tree
you're really dead broke when you wind up in a situation like me

so i stole this guitar and some things for my home
a herman miller aeron chair and a box of various decorative items
as a mild compensation for the ways i've been boned
it's impossible to catch it sleeping
but you'd never know unless you've seen it
it's a murderously inconvenient black hole

dead broke black hole

NOVEMBER 13, 2016

I Ain'tcha Sousaphone

 

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Lyrics:

i ain'tcha sousaphone
i won't even dignify it, the implication is out-of-line
you blow it in my ear
well, i'll make it disappear
like the roses in the cemetary of your love
i say it nice and clear... i ain'tcha sousaphone

you ain't my helipcopta mutha
you mince around this field, a delirous nutcracka come to life
say, do you know this tune?
well you better learn it soon
like the death march in the cemetary of your love life
welcome to the terrordome... i ain'tcha...

i put my two weeks on the boss's desk today
i guess you won this time around
but he hears that ugly, strident sound
coming from ya sousaphone
won't even dignify it, the implication is out-of-line
you blow it in my ear
well, i'll make you disappear
like the roses in the cemetary of your love
play the death march in the cemetary of your love
stolen roses in the cemetary of your love
welcome to the terrordome

OCTOBER 15, 2016

On The Spectrum

 

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Lyrics:

i nervously poison every moment
with a dose of artless jest
from the viper's nest

i tell my friends i think i'm probably on the spectrum
high-functioning but spaced-out
missing a connection, dreadfully reflecting
trashing every bond beyond repair

a whirlpool of blunders, little wonder
why the luckless join the game when they see me playing

i tell my friends i think i might be on the spectrum
high-functioning but spaced-out
missing a connection, sick upon reflection
trashing every bond

but on the subject of luck,
i couldn't give half a fuck for it
it ain't the die that you cast,
more like the time that you last, to wit:
for 20 years i was bogged in some inscrutable fog
that nipped my heel like a dog
but luckier than a woman
luckier than the bleeding poor
luckier than the ship-wrecked
luckier than the wrongfully-convicted
luckier than a two-bit whore

MAY 31, 2016

Shouldn't It Feel Good

 

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Lyrics:

far be it from me to criticize, but i don't dig this sight
white miles of winter taking hold, make it impossible
to thread a hole or plant a pole
or rake a coal or whack a mole
or net a shoal or pet a foal or pay the toll
i'm shredding Free Bird, dreading reverb
shredded wheat turd, head on street curb
let 'em eat dirt, i'm shredding Free Bird

shouldn't it feel good?

prized relic from the church we made
somebody's shoulder blade
before the master noticed it
we poured a plaster mold of it
adored it like the holy writ
we fondle it, we bond with it, abscond with it
if we puree our DNA
we're cherokee, we're congolese
we're chestnut trees, we're breathing bees
we're amputees on trapeze,
fleas in tweezers squeezed and wheezing pleas in legalese

APRIL 28 , 2016

I'm Turning Into Tom Verlaine

 

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Lyrics:

something made me cut my hair last night
shone upon me like a guiding light
tried to beat it back with all of my might
i had a seizure, woke up in a fright

drew a border 'round the marquee moon
drew a box around the tv too
i see billy in the back, steel blue,
got the neon dripping down my shoe

i'm turning into tom verlaine

i only made it 'cause my daddy's rich
and my mamma looks like patti smith
your opportunity to find a little niche
is such a scam and everyone's a snitch

something made me cut my hair last night
shone upon me like a guiding light
tried to beat it back with all of my might
i had a seizure, woke up in a fright

i'm turning into tom verlaine

MARCH 31 , 2016

Woodrat

 

Now you can subscribe to receive the music automatically if you don't like old-fashioned webpages. Visit my page on bandcamp for more info.

Lyrics:

don't take your cue from the woodrat
if you don't like the view from the weeds
he's a thief and a cheat and he's good at that
woodrat

a laboratory explosion blew my hard lot in the air
i felt around for my walking stick to find it wasn't there
so in the early evening i went weaving around in despair
until a rat in an old oak tree sat me down and whispered in my ear, and i swear, he said...

i am a ghost in your miracle toast
i am a martyr in your hoover dam
i'm at the top of your hill now, honey, come and take my holy hand

"is this whole thing on wheels?" they asked with a prudent trace of fear
"i got a screaming deal," i replied, pretending not to hear
they boarded two by two, i was excited to finally steer
i felt a claw on my shoulder, then saw his black eyes in my rear-view mirror. and i swear, he said

i am the ghost... i got your fountain of youth now come and dig my little plan

a flash of light and the whole thing broke like the old dead oak aforementioned
i chipped a tooth but felt the truth regally shooting through my tangled hiding veins
and now i believe you, i believe you...
if i ever kick the pipe, i'm gonna pray most every night, i'm gonna lead myself to light because

i am a ghost, blah, blah...

FEBRUARY 22 , 2016

Tie-Dyes

 

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Lyrics:

i humbly submit, not everything is shit (like you say) 
don't believe me, i'm a recluse, but i know 
tie-dyes (what's your size?) sure go good with your gloomy eyes-- 
will save our sorry hides 
tie-dyes--making 10 for a buck tonight with you 

that bridle that you bit, those bitter words you spit, you're such a slave to it 

losing my health in your black cloud sure feels fine 
meet me in my hospital bed, my little rain drop, tonight 

i'm talking to the breeze, just disregard me please 
no.. fuck that shit ... i'm a genius 'cause i know 

tie-dyes, sure go good with our gloomy eyes... 

that bridle that you bit, those bitter words you spit, i'm into it

DECEMBER 14 , 2015

hunter

tender breasts

francis bean cobain

phil collins

ted cruz, shemale police

eschede train disaster

eskimo

richard gere

glenn fry and david bowie

jesus is coming

joel osteen

chef ramsey

80's midnight snack

shorts tori

NOVEMBER 21 , 2015

It's Not What You Think This Time

 

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Lyrics:

the earth was formed and cooled and warmed
a whale, a snail, a unicorn, a writhing mass of human trash
sprang up from the bowels of some hell
i commend you for trying
lay your flag down by your side
'cause it'a not what you think this time
in a perfect world your pretty sister runs a spirited campaign
to clear the family name

i crack the sky and suck the juice
and tap the sea that feeds my sluice
and charge it all to tabs we haul around for the rest of our lives
i commend you for trying
take your hands down from your eyes
'cause it's not what you think this time
in a perfect world our pretty little sister sally runs a spirited campaign to clear the family name

JANUARY 28, 2015

My band's new album can be downloaded at bandcamp. It has bonus tracks

Kuboa Promo

DECEMBER 16, 2013

WEEK FIFTY-ONE
"I Ain't Mean"

Lyrics:

i've been shoveling drinks down my throat
i tried to go home but i can't find my coat

in a chilly part of my healing heart
dirty gutters are dripping with icicles
in a rocking chair on a slippery stair
i'm a bear on a bicycle
i ain't mean, i'm five days clean

i was feeling victimized
holed up in the bathroom with the TV on

in a chilly part of my healing heart
dirty gutters are dripping with icicles
in a rocking chair on a slippery stair
i'm a bear on a bicycle
i ain't mean, i'm five days clean

DECEMBER 8, 2013

WEEK FIFTY
"Put a Lil' Bow on It"

 

Lyrics:

i'm silver plated... i'm tjhe leg of the lamb
put a little bow on it. you shoulda and it ain't too late to do. presentation.
if you juzz crawled outta the ocean, then you don't know all the tricks of the trade at the moment.
and that's a damn weird affectation that you picked up on yer little european vacation. presentation

DECEMBER 1, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-NINE
"The Details"

 

Lyrics:

my pocket's rattling with pills
i'm outta style and late on bills
my dreams are sealed in by the ruthless winds of winter

my spinning head's a child's top
which, by and by, is bound to stop
and all that's left will be some useless pins and splinters

there are no bodies left to pardon
in my crawlspace or my garden
like some sad symbolic and posthumous gesture
i'm still working out the details though

i scratched my name across the walls
of cheating hearts like bathroom stalls
i heard them lying to their husbands like a movie

i can't romanticize those years in denver
not even in late november
that's when all these feelings came back to me

there is a drafty vent above me
or is that god, and does he love me?
he sure has a bastard's way of showing it if so
i'm still working out the details though

hide in a pile of sheets til you rid yourself of emotion
you can lead a life of devotion or lie in your bed

my pocket's jingling with change
the whole transmission's outta range
my words are muffled by the ruthless winds of winter

NOVEMBER 24, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-EIGHT
"Jumped The Shark"

 

Lyrics:

i counted 10 happy years
lately it's been hit or miss
when i'm shaving you're still waving in the background of my mirror

you got the money to leave, i could never let you do it

when i consult with my peers
they think it's unnatural
to keep praying for a day when
you redeem yourself for good

you sound like noise to me
and all my friends agree
you don't deserve to be
with someone who loves you but who thinks you jumped the shark

you don't take time anymore
to revel in the moods you make
those crude figures were refined with sharper lines but lead astray

because you've done everything twice
every single card's been played
be a martyr, just don't make it harder than it needs to be

you sound like noise to me
and all my friends agree
you might not wanna be
with someone who loves ya but who thinks you jumped the shark years ago

NOVEMBER 17, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-SEVEN
"Used to Yer Brew"

 

NOVEMBER 11, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-SIX
"Better Than Presets"

I wonder if Richard Dean Anderson is ever mistaken for Richard Gere Gerbiling.

...food for thought

 

Lyrics:

even a primitive tribe in some forsaken nation
would recognize my complete lack of imagination
i get a lump in my throat when i can't beat the preset
times new roman, synth leads and reverberation

i can do better. better for you
i can try harder. the better for you
i can work smarter. the better for you

NOVEMBER 3, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-FIVE
"Yer Animals (Nature Girl Part II)"

Lyrics:

open season... trophy beasts on the wall
i never pick up when you call
because you take me to the cleaners
and you feed me you to yer animals

heard some news of
your new tattoos-- hate and love
i think it fits you like a glove
becasue you starve me like a fever
and youbeat me like a dirty rug

fits and starts of so/so art,
rails of coke, tales of woe
i think it fits you like a glove
because you take me to the cleaners
and you feed me you to yer animals

yer cats all croaked, yer latches broke, yer birds all flew, yer turning blue, yer fish all drown, yer passed around, from cock to cock, around the clock

OCTOBER 28, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-FOUR
"A Halloween Medley"

 

Lyrics:

Part I

A bow-legged troll wandered out for a stroll
i was shivering and quivering
my cock skipped a beat as she came down my street
this was everything i prayed for, jesus

i bound her and greased up my fingertips
cinched up her gag and jacked my fist fast up her cunt
there were cobwebs that clung to her carved edges
deeply there, much deeper 'til i'm sprung

built my whole reputation on rotten thoughts

i went to a priest to confess or whatever
i met sister heather. god put us together
my pants were a mess as i lifted her dress
she was blistered there-- i kissed her there. she bled

hallelujah

Part II

the kids at the mall get the world for free
they see the shapes but they're bent like a fever dream
they i'm funny? i ain't trying to be funny

the girls on the beach never dug my style
because i look like a creep and i talk like gomer pyle
you think that's funny? i ain't trying to be.

now i'm a card-carrying slob
i keep my pants pulled up and a part-time job
i'm making money. but i ain't trying to be funny

i decry yer savage persecution of my kind
i wanna die sometimes. ..because i never want-- nobody ever really wanted to be funny.

oh no. now that ain't funny.

when the kids at the mall get a load of me
they're gonna think i'm a dink but i'm inclined to disagree
i think they're funny. nobody wants to be funny

i decry yer savage persecution of my kind
i wanna die sometimes. ..because i never want-- nobody ever really wanted to be funny.

oh no. now that ain't funny.

Part III

Halloween celebration lyrics. make them up as you go

OCTOBER 21, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-THREE
"Hey Willie"

Butta-what? Butta-please.

 

Lyrics:

the catfish slime got in my hair
but i was too inside-out to care
i dipped my fingers in the lake
and wiggled a hundred figure eights

she's got a lot to swing around
so I've got a lot to think about

hey willie, have you seen that girl?
she's wide awake in a dirty lake
she could make you straight again

she's got a lot to swing around
so i've got a lot to think about

my hearing is ultrasonic but don't nobody give a damn
and even if they did, my hair's growing hydroponic but don't nobody give a damn

OCTOBER 14, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-TWO
"Fuck Congress"

Lyrics:

man, fuck congress. fuck those well-heeled, slicked-back, sword-swallowing, tap dancing clowns.

it was never supposed to be this way.

and fuck their mothers. and fuck their dead grandmas in heaven.

and fuck republicans. and fuck democrats. and fuck the fucking tea baggers.

they're playing the country like a cheap fucking fiddle.

and fuck me. and fuck you. and fuck my generation and the generation just behind me. cuz we're all too fucking lazy. we're fucking zombies. we're fucking hypnotized by little glowing screens.

fuck the n.s.a. and fuck us all for letting it happen.

and fuck homophobes. and fuck your motorcycle's loud pipes. and fuck litterbugs. if you litter, you're a fucking low-life. pick it up.

but you can UN-fuck yourself. all you have to do is lift a lazy fucking finger and say "NO."we're done here. you're done here. getcha stank bref out my fuckin' face."

OCTOBER 7, 2013

WEEK FOURTY-ONE
"James Brown"

 

SEPTEMBER 30, 2013

WEEK FOURTY
"I'm Not OK"

 

Lyrics:

i'm making a trail around you
until you run away
they always run away

i'm beating a path around you
cuz that's the only way
to keep you in my cage

i hafta make concentric circles around you
to trap and surround you-- i'm so glad i found you

i'm building a wall impossibly tall to keep you in
and then i'll wear your skin
i'm not OK

SEPTEMBER 23, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-NINE
"I Play Dead"

"I told you so" is an ugly thing to say. Why make it harder for someone to evolve after they finally concede an important point? They should be embraced not humiliated, you know?

 

Lyrics:

little things don't bug me now
cuz i'm six feet tall and i intend to get bigger
but if it's bigger than me
i might reconsider

drudgery or child support
gotta bend my knee, gotta pay somebody
but if it's bigger than me...

i play dead instead

i could shade you like a tree
cuz i'm six feet tall and i intend to get bigger
but if you're bigger than me
well then i gotta reconsider

woman stuck me like a pig
catch a fish for lunch
shoot a bird for dinner
but if it's bigger than me....

i play dead instead

SEPTEMBER 16, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-EIGHT
"Eighty-Three"

I dropped something heavy on my big toe and for the past few months the nail has been black. It was growing out nicely until last week when the black part finally fell off to reveal a new, albeit thinner and anemic-looking nail growing underneath. After overcoming my initial horror, I realized that the new nail very much resembles the face of my friend's child.

I have contacted her via telephone and e-mail to explain this but I have heard nothing back and since it has been nearly eight days, I am beginning to worry that perhaps her child is not well and that my toe is an important messenger of health news. I will continue to update this blog with any information that I receive but until then, God bless and stay positive.

Lyrics:

if you were dead in '83
you probably don't remember seein'
sally ride light up the sky or the wah mee massacre
or kiss without the makeup on mtv
or disneyland in tokyo
that was a hitch, that was a footnote digression, a detour...

SEPTEMBER 9, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-SEVEN
"Rattle My Bones"

 

Lyrics:

you probably didn't know i got a massive amount of respect for you
you rattle my bones
make me do what i'm told
yer gettin' it wrong

SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-SIX
"Bidness Man"

 

Lyrics:

i am a business man
i shake every hand i can
i am a business man
i take everything i can

i been burned by my conscience
i been burned by my friends
i been burned, burned, burned to the bitter end

i been burned by the savior
i been burned by the lamb
i been burned, burned, burned every way they can

it's juzz bidness, baby

AUGUST 25, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-FIVE
"Wicked Racket"

 

Lyrics:

i scattered all her bones in a tear across the city
and i swore by god i could never sleep again
and the rain fell hard for to wash away the pity
but there ain't no peace after all my dirty sins

so i moved way down by the pymatuning lake
tried to mend soul but the mending wouldn't take
so i left that place for another city still
found a real good girl that i never meant to kill

now i'm five ghosts deep and it's getting pretty easy
if i keep things cheap i can leave a little will
and i change my name every day i'm at the clinic
where i sell my cum, but it doesn't pay the bills

so i moved back down to the pymatuning lake
tried to mend my soul but the mending wouldn't t take
so i drowned myself in the pymatuning lake
tried to say my prayers... but the praying didn't take

shut up... the wicked racket in my head

AUGUST 19, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-FOUR
"Suffering"

 

Lyrics:

talk about suffering here below
and i talk about walking with satan

welcome all unclean spirits in
calling all unclean evil things

talk about suffering here below
and i talk about walking with satan

AUGUST 12, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-THREE
"STNDNDLVR"

Download the album in any format you like on bandcamp

 

Lyrics:

i don't creep-- won't ever see my face on the wall
i don't sleep-- don't ever leave my station at all
i don't beg for it.. .stand and deliver

i'm a man-- i am a sedentary old man
but i stand, delivering like nobody can
i don't ask for it... stand and deliver

check that mic, stand alone in the light
talk about where you're from and the time that you spent
with no money and no common sense...

AUGUST 4, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-TWO
"Hell of a Creature"

Lyrics:

if all you want is a teacher
i would be happy to meet'cha
i'll work you into my research
cuz i'm a hell of a creature

yer turnin' into yer mother
yer turnin' into yer preacher
i got a terrible brother
and he's a hell of a creature

i was a dead motherfucker but they spared me the hook
i never read, motherfucker, cuz i smoke all my books

a little young for my age and long in the tooth
but i'm a hell of a creature, baby, how about you?

JULY 29, 2013

WEEK THIRTY-ONE
"City Rocks"

Buy the album for $1 at: http://bradleez.bandcamp.com/

 

 

Lyrics

got a friend with no start and no end
potted plants, lava lamps, beaded entryways

he's a priest from the east, so he says
he can reach any beach in an altered state

i resent how you blithely portray his work with such disdain
everybody knows you're just a frigid old tease
what you do is you say, "oh what a wonderful day"
while you secretly pray for some rain or a reprieve
i know you'd flop around endlessly
if by chance all those kowtowers and goons were crucified
and i know you'd still complain even headlessly
while he breaks city rocks nine to five

we were kids when they told us we had impossible ideas
you said "yeah," and you thanked them for the sage, honest advice
i know you still complain endlessly
while he breaks city rocks nine to five

JULY 22, 2013

WEEK THIRTY
"Betting It All On 16"

 

Lyrics:

you can always let the kid be born
with tail and horn
wild eyes and cloven feet

you tried it once
and you liked it so much, maybe
whatever makes this whole mess slink away
some medication and some sleep

what do you want?
why does it feel like i've been
playing with some imitation
close that brittle door
don't let those pious thoughts slip in
i'm betting it all on 16

i never thought i'd make you
do anything you didn't wanna do
oh yeah
that's why it's killing me

but just like the fortune said we
better be unfettered by how we pay our dues
oh yeah
so do this thing willingly

you can always let the kid be born
with tail and horn
wild eyes and cloven feet

you tried it once
and you liked it so much maybe
whatever makes this whole mess slink away
some medication and some sleep

what do you want?
why does it feel like i've been
playing with some imitation
close that brittle door
don't let those pious thoughts slip in
i'm betting it all on 16

JULY 15, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-NINE
"Lee Dat Junk Behind"

Buy the whole 52-song album for a buck at: http://bradleez.bandcamp.com/

 

Lyrics:

You're taking pictures from roof tops and glens
watching the world through a wide-angle lens

You see the show through your phone in the club
Save it for later but miss all the fun-- it's just dumb...

JULY 7, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-EIGHT
"My Drink (is Missing Somethin')"

Belt or Finger? (A New Game)

Remove your belt and warm it gently with your breath. Then take the warm belt and stroke your lover's fine porcelain cheek with it while asking her to guess whether it's your belt or your finger. Did she guess belt? Then five points. Next, try it with your finger. Then belt. Then belt again. Then finger. Then belt, then belt, then belt.

Belt or Finger.

 

Lyrics:

I wanna sink every ship i sail
wanna pull every tail, every crooked nail
i really think this country's outta touch

i wanna wring every neck i see
wanna shake every tree, every sign i read
i really think this country dreams too much

i'm gonna spill every cup you fill
gonna salt every wild acre that you till
i really think my drink is missing something

every few years
there is this same insistent whisper in my ear
that if i hope and pray, in time i'll slay my fears
but nothing ever changes for anyone

had a good run
had a few laughs
had a few moments in the sun

that's all the past it went by fast
and now i'm done
cuz nothing ever changes for anyone

JULY 1, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-SEVEN
"My Enemies"

 

Lyrics:

your dad is a shit sucking dickless gay
tap dancing bald butt clown fuck
yer my enemy

yer mom is a ball kissing shit sucking
ball sucking fuck facing fuck face with dumb fuck face friends
yer my enemy

richard jason and paul
you are my enemies

lynda racine et al.
you are my enemies

JUNE 24, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-SIX
"We Are The NSA"

"Lil' Ricky! Hey... Yoo hoo! Lil' Ricky!"

Brandon was racing up the long hill at the end of his trailer park where his best friend, lil' Ricky, was tossing bottles against the bricks of an abandoned factory. Gasping for air and doubled over, he reached the crest and tried to talk.

"Lil' Ricky! I fell for another trick again!"

Lil' Ricky threw a bottle and watched the pieces scatter. Then he sighed and faced his pitiful friend. This was not an unfamiliar feeling.

"Yeah? And what happened?"

"I don't know! I was taking my dog Nigel for a nice walk when all of a sudden, this verrry sneaky guy approached us and told me to pick a number from one to ten, and I screamed FIVE! ..and then... and--and--and then... the next thing I know he's casually walking off with Nigel!"

Lil' Ricky threw another bottle.

"Look, Brandon. I'm gonna get your dog back. You know that. But you have to stop letting strangers take advantage of you." He spit in the dust and put his lil' Rickyish hand on Brandon's shoulder.

"I know it! Boy do I ever know it! Thanks, lil' Ricky! You're the best! I sure do owe--"

Lil' Ricky stopped listening and headed into town alone. Brandon stumbled backward and rolled all the way down the hill.

---- TWENTY MINUTES LATER ---

"Excuse me, sir?"

A stout stranger scuttled by with an old timey bowler hat and suspenders looking very much like a leprechaun. He was chomping a cigar and cut a rough figure not in the mood for chit chat.

"Sir, where'd you get that dog?"

"Eh?"

"I think that's my friend's dog. Yeah it is-- see here? His name's around the collar."

"Nah, you're way off, laddie" the stranger said dismissively while keeping a steady pace.

"Uh, well... if you'd just slow down and--"

The stranger turned sharply and slapped lil' Ricky across the mouth, but Nigel attacked him, tearing his leprechaun clothes to bloody shreds as lil' Ricky watched in stunned silence. His high-pitched screams echoed across the factory grounds and down the hill and through the trailer park where Brandon was being swindled blind by a very unskilled grifter.

 

Lyrics:

we are the NSA
sent here to save the day
circling bird of prey
friend in the sky

we will protect you
collect and inspect you
and give you a flag
on the fourth of july

we are the guards of this
whole house of cards
and yer ally in charge of
preserving the peace

we know what's best for you
so we request that you
all acquiesce to
our random caprice

might die in car wreck
or a shark attack
or a faulty smoke alarm

might die in a lighting storm
or spider bit
or a tractor accident

might die from the measles
or an abscessed tooth
or a massive heart attack

might die from pneumonia
or a bathtub fall
or, i guess, a terrorist...

JUNE 17, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-FIVE
"On To You"

 

JUNE 10, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-FOUR
"From The Moon"

Buy the album at: http://bradleez.bandcamp.com/

 

 

Lyrics:

tonight i wrecked my bike and broke my goddamn leg
i hopped a mile to the store
they said "nobody here can help you, sir"
tonight i wanna see things from the moon

from the moon yer crossed eyes don't mean anything at all
from the moon the earth looks calm and clean
from the moon yer sleazy stuff is trivial
i hope that's how you see me-- from the moon

JUNE 3, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-THREE
"Zoo"

Buy the album at: http://bradleez.bandcamp.com/

 

Lyrics:

Now I hear that whistle blowin'
always gets my gravy goin'
upside-down and do-se-doin'
underneath the porch lights glowin'

Twenty-five and skinned alive
you're terrified of lookin' ugly
I could swim that big red river
drown the fish make vampires shiver

What do you think about ditchin' Venezeula?
we could stay drunk for a year

Well, zoo... you were a good girl honey
I miss the way that you spent that money, I do....

She could crush a hundred nations
with her fiscal situation
and her Mastercard vacations
pay it off or change the station

What do you think about ditchin' this town?
we could stay drunk for a year

Well, zoo... you were a good girl honey...

MAY 27, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-TWO
"Oh My God"

 

Lyrics:

oh no, she turned me into a low-life fool
ergo all of my library books is overdue
she spits and she drinks and says what she thinks
oh my god

hey son, get yer guitar kiss yer dog goodbye
this one might set us back twenty-five to life
she spits and she drinks and says what she thinks
oh my god

shotgun buddy in the pickup truck
we're only ten miles south from
the culver city limits gonna find
where yer mother's livin' now
we're gonna shoot that girl

i believed her, you believed her too
but baby took you for a fool...

MAY 20, 2013

WEEK TWENTY-ONE
"It's A Wise Child!"

The Origin of Canned Peaches

During World War II, a weary American soldier stationed in France was heard to remark:

"I sure wish I had me a nice Georgia peach right about here. I'd start in on 'er real slow-- nuzzle the fuzz... tease 'er... then I'd thrust muh tongue in and out, causing the sweet juice to squirt all over muh hungry, waitin' face-- hoo boy! Why I'd even suck the pit!"

The gears of commerce were quickly set into motion and the result was a kitchen staple that we all know and love. Canned peaches.

 

Lyrics:

wise child really knows her trivia
quite small but she don't come cheap
might try but they can't get rid of ya
rollin' yer eyes, you gotta start somewhere

dodadoodedooda..

read the whole "new book of knowledge" before she even went to college

MAY 13, 2013

WEEK TWENTY
"Cheap Country Town"

I've learned so much about the previous tenants of apartments I've rented by reading their perpetually misdelivered mail. At first I put it back in the box making a note of the delivery mistake but it just keeps happening and there's only so much a person can or should do. After a while RTS doesn't stand for Return to Sender, but for Read That Shit and that's when a chore becomes a treat

 

Lyrics:

Yer mother was a bright, young, happy thing
a lady and a wife with a face that made birdzzzz sing
Yer daddy was a half-a-billionaire, an up-and-comin' Jew
and a captain of Times Square

Why don't we float down the river, life awaits
Trouble 'round the bend but ya can't stay up past eight

I'll take you down to my cheap country town
Drag you around all the weird shit I found
Blood will be thicker where we aren't the only hicks around

I toldja when I metcha... ain't no man
could make you half as wet like you know I surely can
My daddy was a King Kong shipwreck dude
A saddle and a reign and a cold, mean, wayward fool

Why don't we float down the river..
...
...

We'll slip through the slime and jump out just in time
We'll piss in a jar and break into a car or two

I'll take you down..

MAY 6, 2013

WEEK NINETEEN
"Pain is Free"

Yes this project is getting old. BUT... just like the house plant that choked a toddler in Tampa, Florida, new music every week in 2013 CANNOT be stopped. Download the song here: http://bradleez.bandcamp.com/ ...or e-mail me for an mp3.

 

Lyrics:

one hook that you stole from a book
troll the obscure out-of-print junk
transcribe in cursive all of the mysterious verses
memorize, close yer eyes
you really don't reach anyone you don't preach to
but you reach and you reach..

there's no shame cashing in and vacating
we're all tempted to, believe me
but if you really only want something to feel
here's the deal: pain is real, and it's free
you really don't feel anything that you steal now
so you reach and you reach... and you steal and you steal...

APRIL 29, 2013

WEEK EIGHTEEN
"Robbed"

quick question... my sister got in a minor car accident (she's OK!)... but she bumped her shoulder and now I can't feel the fingers on her left hand. Is this her problem or mine? thanks in advance

 

You are INVITED ...to download the song in whatever format you want right here!

Lyrics:

I been robbed, I been robbed
took the corn off my cob
when I woke, I was broke
i been robbed

I reclined in my chair
cuz i thought noone was there
but when i woke, i was broke
i been robbed

Now I blame myself cuz I told myself
that I'd be damned myself
If I ever get another one, I'll never get another one...

It ain't fair, it ain't fair
and the cops don't even care
stole a gun for the peace it provides

Spare a dime, spare a dime
a good job's so hard to find
stick 'em up, fill my cup
I'll be fine

Now I blame society for my insobriety
and my impropriety, now I'll never find another one...

APRIL 22, 2013

WEEK SEVENTEEN
"Crash & Burn"

Your grandfather cracks nuts with a hammer in hell

 

Lyrics:

i can see the bright side
even in a landslide
but the more i live the more i learn
the more i wanna crash and burn, uh huh...

they feedja all the brave hearts
they spare ya all the false starts
and the more i read, the more i learn
the more i juzz wanna crash and burn, uh huh...

long livin' and strong women and
warm safe places, make it seem like
we've come far

sky scrapers and don drapers and dull sensations
make it seem like we've come far

pharmaceuticals, blank and beautiful plastic faces
make it seem like..

APRIL 15, 2013

WEEK SIXTEEN
"Apology Letter"

 

Lyrics:

Night time or dawn, whichever one
puts you to sleep is the best, space out a lot
catch yer death. I believe in casually setting aside
what bugs you

Someday I'm gonna feel so much better
cuz I'm a-gonna write an apology letter
i don't care who I spurn or the bridges I burn

Courtesy call, Mr. Sinatra
can I pass you a copy of my 8 x 10?
I can't relate to you today if it was a
very good year

Someday I'm...

APRIL 8, 2013

WEEK FIFTEEN
"Clean, Clean Livin'"

 

Lyrics:

While I admire yer clean, clean livin'
yer girlfriend's givin' me chills...
So go drown yer pride in the Mississippi river
and bring me my whiskey and pills

I've been known to get unpredictable and violent
when you threaten the few things that bring me joy
So you better lose that smug self-righteous look of superiority
and stop clicking yer tongue and waggin' yer goddamn finger in my face

I'm a grown man-- I can have a drink or smoke
without it being a cry for therapy or religion
cuz I pay my bills and contribute to society and love my family too...

so go fuck yer moral crusade right up the ass

APRIL 1, 2013

WEEK FOURTEEN
"You Better Believe It"

One lesson pop culture keeps teaching is that people rarely want what's best for them. So enjoy.

Lyrics:

you better believe
that the timing is right
and the stars in the sky
are aligned white lights
and if history is any indication, in fact
he'll hit hard for yer love but you'll crawl right back
i believe

you better believe it,
you better believe it
he hits hard for yer love
believe

you better proceed
with some caution tonight
cuz the dude in yer bed's
in the mood fer a fight
and if history is any indication of that
he'll hit hard for yer love but you'll come right back
i believe

you better believe it,
you better believe it
he hits hard for yer love
honey, please

on the one hand, he's a sick man
on the otha, he's my brotha

you better believe, you better believe...

MARCH 25, 2013

WEEK THIRTEEN
"Save Some Face"

So you're taking ZERO responsibility for the stray cat situation around here? Even though that orange tabby you call "Sassafras" is the neighborhood cum dumpster?

Get her spayed.

 

Lyrics:

Save some face
Nobody taught you to be that way 
You will be haunted by what you say 
and it all seems a little too dangerous 

Change yer ways 
You better pick up the mess you made 
Nobody taught you to be that way 
and it all seems a little too dangerous 

You were ejected from Sunday school 
for yer coarse reenactments of Blue Lagoon 
You are a misanthrope in yer messy room 
and it all seems a little too dangerous 

You got the mouth of a river too 
What a terrible waste of a liver 
You are like a rattlesnake in a petting zoo 
Like a genuine vessel of evil, now 

I was the guy who helped move yer mattress 
over the rail and up to the second floor and 
I didn't anticipate compensation but 
who do I have to blow for a "thank you"? 

Save some face 
Nobody taught you to be that way 
You will be haunted by what you say 
and it all seems a little too dangerous

MARCH 18, 2013

WEEK TWELVE
"Dorito Dust Pneumonia"

My great grand pee-paw was a Dorito miner during the Industrial Snack Food Revolution. He toiled with his belly in the cheese for a meager wage that barely clothed his five daughters (from six different mothers).

At the time, little was known about the danger of Dorito dust inhalation. Victims of "orange lung" were given over-the-counter palliatives or snake oil that did little to curb the escalating death toll.

The following traditional folk song and documentary video recalls the thankless plight of the Dorito miner who sacrificed his body so that one day we all might sacrifice our own.

 

MARCH 11, 2013

WEEK ELEVEN
"Way Down, Irene"

NEWS HEADLINE: Olympics Committee reportedly gives all leftover gold medals to Rod Stewart.

"He's the only one who ever expressed any interest in them, so rather than toss them out, we stuff the leftover medals in a box and he sends a guy to pick them up. It's not like we're doing a private ceremony or anything," says Olympic Committee chairperson Sandra Howley.

But Rod Stewart claims otherwise: "When I get the medals back to my plantation, we perform a large ceremony. My step-children stand on the second and third place blocks, and I accept the gold medals one by one around my hungry, waiting neck. It's a pretty kewl treat for me."

Lyrics:

There's a place where the reckless are bound
We'll be livin' there when they smoke out this town 

I like you fine, Irene 
Can't change my mind about Irene 

She's a mess-- a 100-proof mess 
bullet in her ear, and a book on her chest 

But I like you fine, Irene 
can't change my mind about Irene 

When we wake up, I'll reach out 
to my broken-english friend 
and we'll get a room 
if you really want to... 

I like you fine, Irene...

MARCH 4, 2013

WEEK TEN
"Gypsy Huggin'"

I will visit you, Mister Wrinkles.

I will empty your ashtrays, Mister Wrinkles.

I will adjust your hairdo, Mister Wrinkles.

I will think of you always, Mister Wrinkles.

 

Lyrics:

Passed her on the street
She sold limes a dime a piece 
with a cobweb catchin' flies like me 
she's a gypsy from Poughkeepsie, I'm a wreck 

She's a long, wet road and I don't have a change of clothes 

Sings an English song 
but her accent's way too strong 
So I hide my pride between my legs 
She's a gypsy from Poughkeepsie, got me pegged 

She's a long, wet road and I don't have a change of clothes 

Don'tcha mess up yer life on gypsie huggin'

FEBRUARY 24, 2013

WEEK NINE
"Quest Star"

The new American pope is serving up deep-dish communion bagels with all your favorite premium toppings. Ask about his subs.

Better take a break from ripping off Alice Cooper ("Get Yer Fill" / "Billion Dollar Babies" ... I accept your judgement). Enjoy this palette-cleansing performance from my friend Tom while I try to find my spirit mammal:

 

FEBRUARY 18, 2013

WEEK EIGHT
"Open Up Yer Eyes"

Download the mp3 at bandcamp.

 

Lyrics:

over the ages, we have become
full of outrageous paranoid junk 

open up yer eyes 
don't wait for a good time 
you can analyze and magnify a flea 
until you can't see it 

open up yer eyes 
no such thing as a good time 
you can analyze and magnify a flea 
until you can't see 

it comes in stages over the years 
and it rattles cages and brings you to tears 

open up yer eyes 
don't wait for a good time 
you can analyze and magnify a flea 
until you can't see it...

FEBRUARY 11, 2013

WEEK SEVEN
"Get Yer Fill"

Every year we celebrate my birthday at Poochy's Buffet. Each guest tells a story or performs a short vignette for my approval. It's a cute little production which you and your whole family look forward to all year long. Now picture me in my little sharkskin shoes and my little blue birthday blouse, blowing kisses to yer grandma and twisting my dimples like a misbehaving orphan. That's all the set-up this song needs:

 

Lyrics:

Touch my hand
when you get yer fill 
when you get yer fill 
but you never will 

You can get more money 
you can get more pills 
but you never will get yer fill 

Tie me down 
to the ol' railroad 
to the ol' railroad 
where the whistle blows 

Well it might sound funny 
and it might sound bold 
but you never will get yer fill 

Things are changin' 
and yer body's agin' 
and yer turnin' pages 
on the back of the bus on the back of the bus 

And the leaves are turnin' 
and you're preachin' sermons 
like yer Howard Thurman on the bus 

I'm a man with a million needs 
with a million needs 
and a bag of seeds 

Well I might plant somethin' 
and it might grow green 
but I never will get my fill

FEBRUARY 4, 2013

WEEK SIX
"Toothpicks and Glue"

 

Lyrics:

Sign a line and yer caught in an ancient scam
Wined and dined on the spot, makes you feel like a big man 

Right away 
my friends were on T.V. 
By the way 
I'm lookin' at you but you can't see me 

Right away 
my friends were on T.V. 

There's a revenue share 
but my dog doesn't care 

Right away 
my friends were on T.V. 
By the way 
I'm lookin' at you but you can't see me 

I'm workin' with toothpicks and glue 
I shoulda gone to trade school 
I'm workin' with toothpicks and glue

JANUARY 28, 2013

WEEK FIVE
"Ain't Too Hard"

I ordered soup at a cafe but I couldn't finish it, so I asked the waitress for a to-go container and she handed me a sponge. "Very funny," I thought. But this made the surly wheels of my imagination turn.

1..2..3..4..
con-cen-trate.
cha cha cha
con-cen-trate.

1..2..3..4..
con-cen-trate.
cha cha cha
con-cen-trate.

[repeat until idea happens]

IDEA # 1: A small dissolvable capsule containing a compressed sponge in the shape of a rooster. When you drop the capsule in hot soup, the outer shell melts away and the rooster sponge expands and absorbs all of the soup so you can carry it around or wring it out into your mouth whenever you want. It's called Cock-a-Noodle-Soup.

Choose life!

Fuck the world,
--bradlee

 

Lyrics:

I wanna live in yer pocket, girl
I only eat just a little 
it ain't too hard... ain't too hard 

I stick my finger in yer socket girl 
make ya wiggle-- 
it ain't too hard.... ain't too hard 

I'd break my fingers one by one 
for you to skim me like pond scum 

I've been around for a year and a month 
but you don't get the riddle 
it ain't too hard... ain't too hard 

I'll break my fingers one by one 
until you skim me like pond scum

JANUARY 21, 2013

WEEK FOUR
"T.V. Privileges"

"Inexplicably" versus "unexplainably".... Javier wasn't sure which was right, but he called his project FUDBUD for the aesthetic cachet: Music For The Unexplainably Depressed, By The Unexplainably Depressed.

Download the MP3 at: http://bradleez.bandcamp.com/

 

Lyrics:

I want my T.V. privileges reinstated
I tried yer way and, um... 
I didn't get a thing done, do you? 
I never get a single thing done... 

Only now after everything goes around 
and there isn't anybody left to burn 
it's a lucky thing that we found 
after hours in the shower 

Now it's wreckin' every secong yer away 
every move is a mistake 
That's the only risk you take 

Oh yer mom and dad are old and rattled too 
'cause they don't know what to do and if they did 
they wouldn't do it anyway neither would you... 

Only now after everyone turns around 
and there isn't anybody left to turn 
it's a tricky thing to rebound 
after hours in the show 

Now some dummy tried to steal my clientele 
so I pushed him down a well 
now he's suckin' cock in hell 

Oh my mom and dad are old and rattled too 
because they don't know what to do and if they did 
they wouldn't do it anyway neither would I... 

I want my T.V. privileges reinstated 
I tried yer way and, um... 
I didn't get a thing done, do you?

JANUARY 14, 2013

WEEK THREE
"I Don't Change"

After Timmy died, we kept his bedroom just exactly like the way it was.

 

Lyrics:

Well...

When I was little I was easily amused 
had a box, had a rock, had a wild imagination 

My education was a haze of malaise but 
I could read, write and everything... 

Repetition isn't easy to beat 
I repeat, I repeat... 
every tune I ever whistled 

And this'll be the death of me, I believe 
dead-alive in a child-like state 

The more that you say that yer life is OK 
and you like it that way 
no you don't because you don't like anything 

The more that you say that you get what you take 
and you give half away 
no you don't because you don't give anything

JANUARY 7, 2013

WEEK TWO
"Nostalgia & Regret"

A man toils without sleep to make a psycho-sexual thing for you. You pick it up and turn it over and put it down and cross your arms as a single drop of cream is expelled from every hole in your quivering body.

Now you can download the songs in whatever format you want at bandcamp. ..or if you want a free mp3 because you're poor and selfish, juzz send me an e-mail and I'll be hookin' yer broke ass up lickity-split.

Fuck the world,
--bradlee

Lyrics:

When the winter thaws inside you
all the boughs that used to hide you 
move away so light can find you 
let the cold wind blow behind you 
every season has a reason, heaven knows 

Every diamond in the gutter 
every window locked and shuttered 
every heart you fail to flutter 
every word you fail to utter 
makes a library of nostalgia and regret 

Wrote a library of nostalgia and regret 
this is what I get 
tried to write my way home 
I know that you never really get what yer owed 
that you'll never catch a kiss I don't blow 
that you like a lighter load... 
you can't always get it, though 

Every coupon in the ghetto 
every calmly drawn stiletto 
every hill you couldn't pedal 
every crack in yer falsetto 
is a nightmare both recurring and severe 

Time will ride you like a beater 
she's a dirty rotten cheater 
she's a lock and you can't pick it 
she's a clock and you can't trick it 
like a library of nostalgia and regret 

Wrote a library of nostalgia and regret 
this is what I get 
tried to write my way home 
I know... that you never really get what yer owed 
that you'll never catch a kiss I don't blow 
that you're never really rich 'til yer sold...

JANUARY 1, 2013

WEEK MATERIAL
week one

What an exciting time for rosy-palmed schoolboys with big glasses, dwindling Halloween acquisitions and zero self-esteem. A cool, dark wind stimulates the budding hair on their collective scrotum. Girls come outta nowhere and, for the first time, they get burned.

Join me for a new half-assed video every week this year. Also in 2013....messin' with a new thing... THE SKYDADDY PODCAST... ooooooo.... aahhhhhhh..... Stay with us, tough guy.

DECEMBER 15, 2013

What's so good about 52?

NEWSFLASH: Some things.

2013 heralds the first calendar year since 1987 where each digit is unique.

2012? ...NOPE... two twos.
2011? ...NOPE... two ones.
2010? ...NOPE... two zeroes.

...and so on until 1987.

That's 26 years.

If you double that number (for twice the pleasure), you get 52. The very same number of weeks in 2013.

So.. to celebrate this ultra-rare phenomenon, tune in every Monday (or Tuesday if I'm hung-over) for a special musical video blowout. I think some transmissions will be quite fly while others will juzz stagger along like a soft-toothed junky on Dick street. Should be pretty spiritual.

What else is special about 52?

I'm disappointed that you need more examples, but OK:

-There are 52 books in the bible
-There are 52 states in the U.S.
-There have been 52 American presidents (one from each state)
-There are 52 teeth on a standard comb
-There are 52 keys on a grand piano
-There are 52 periodic elements

Take enough to feed yer dirty kidz,
--bz

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