COOPER TYLERSON

LINDA: "Don't look now but here comes Cooper Tylerson."

DARCY: "Cooper Tylerson? He's the tannest guy at Jonesboro High!"

LINDA: "Duh... And here he comes."

[COOPER TYLERSON STRUTS DOWN THE HALL IN SLOW MOTION WHILE "I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES" PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND]

COOPER: "Hey, ladies."

BOTH: "Hi, Cooper."

COOPER: "Supposed to be a party at the old saw mill tonight. You comin'?"

LINDA: "We'll be there, Cooper."

COOPER: "Ladies, please... Call me Coupe de Ville."

DARCY: "We don't feel comfortable calling you that."

LINDA: "Speak for yourself, Darcy. I'll call you Coupe de Ville if you want." [WINK]

COOPER: "Cooly, cool, cool... Well... see you chicks tonight."

LINDA: "Bye, Coupe."


[IN THE GIRL'S ROOM]

DARCY: "You should'a seen Linda this morning. She was drooling all over Cooper Tylerson..."

GIRL #2: "You mean Coupe de Ville?"

DARCY: "No... I don't."

GIRL #3: "Lighten up, Darcy. Maybe guys would notice you if you weren't such a pill."

DARCY: "Nobody says 'pill' ...and furthermore, fuck you. The only reason girls like Cooper is because he's extremely tan. He looks like a dark-brown Jerry O'connel. It's unnatural."

GIRL #2: "Aren't you a virgin, Darcy?"

DARCY: "Go to hell."

[GYM CLASS]

GIRL #4: "Did you guys see Coupe de Ville's new tattoo?"

DARCY: "Ughh... You can hardly see it over his tan."

GIRL #5: "I know... isn't it great?"

DARCY: "No! There's nothing great about being that tan. It's weird and creepy. Did you ever see "Soul Man" ?

GIRL #4: "Darcy, you really need to loosen up."

GIRL #5: "She needs to get laid."

DARCY: "Shut up, you guys! I'm just angry that you're infatuated with a guy because he's shockingly tan. His skin is peeling!"

GIRL #4: "I think he's sexy and exotic."

GIRL #5: "Me two!"

GIRL #6: "Me three!"

DARCY: "Well ya'll can have him. His missing eyebrow is a deal-breaker for me. And he only has four teeth."

GIRL #4: "Yeah but check out that tan."

DARCY: "Fuck the tan!"

[AT THE OLD SAW MILL]

GIRL #7: "Did you guys hear?"

GIRLS 1 THROUGH 6: "Hear what?"

GIRL #7: "Coupe de Ville is gonna jump his Ford Festiva across Fairyfloss Gulch!"

GIRL #4: "Holy cow! If anybody can jump Fairyfloss Gulch, it's Coupe! I'm certain of it!"

GIRLS 1 THROUGH 7: "Let's go!"

[FAIRYFLOSS GULCH WAS 30 YARDS ACROSS AND ANOTHER 30 DEEP. COOPER TYLERSON NEVER STOOD A CHANCE. HE REVVED HIS ENGINE AND SPED FOR THE CLIFF]

LINDA: "Hey guys... don't look now but here comes Burt Schimmel."

GIRLS 1 THROUGH 7: "Burt Schimmel? He's the tallest guy at Jonesboro High!"

[COOPER'S CAR EXPLODES IN THE BACKGROUND]

LINDA: "Duh.... And here he comes."

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