DEAR NEIGHBOR

Welcome to Lakefield! We're looking forward to meeting you.

My name is Darcy Hyde and I represent the Lakefield Smile Committee. We're dedicated to keeping Lakefield beautiful and happy by promoting community solidarity.

Please take a moment to fill out the following survey. These questions will help us understand your unique personality as your family integrates.

If for some reason you are unable to return this survey in the provided envelope within five business days, please see form L-7 entitled "LATE SURVEY" included in part 4 of your color-coded Smile Packet.

 

GETTING TO KNOW YOU
A Brief Survey by the Lakefield Smile Committee

1. Where were you born?

2. How often do you intend to mow your lawn?

3. Have you ever been romantically involved with a person of color?

4. Would you be willing to undergo a physical examination by a doctor selected by the Smile Committee?

5. Do you practice witchcraft or engage in any stylized rituals other than those endorsed by the Catholic Church?

6. If my son Brandon wants to go cross-country skiing with your family, will you pay his way?

7. If my son Brandon just wants to go out to dinner with you guys, will you pay his way?

8. If I start taking things from your patio, will you make me stop?

9. If I ever get trapped inside a sealed box, will you puncture holes in it so I can breathe?

10. If a ghost offered you an endless supply of corn, would you accept?

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Once again... Welcome to Lakefield! As one of the nation's friendliest communities, we're sure your family will fit in. If not, please see form L-86 titled "FORCEFUL TERMINATION OF RESIDENCY" in your color-coded Smile Packet.

Sincerely,
Darcy Hyde

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