THE BADGER

"You're tuned to 109.5 The Badger... Houston's Hottest Country Station. This is the Penis & Shoefly Show. I'm Penis..."

"And I'm Shoefly. We've been talking all morning about extramarital affairs and our next caller is a self-proclaimed home-wrecker. Todd, you're on The Penis & Shoefly Show..."

"Good morning, guys. I love your show so much... I listen to you all the time, I swear to God..."

"Todd can you turn your radio down please?"

"What?"

"You need to turn down your radio. There's feedback..."

"But I love your show. I listen all the time at high volumes. To your show."

"Yeah but when you're on the air and you're listening to yourself through the radio, it creates problems with the audio stream. Just turn your radio off for a few minutes while we talk."

"What do you mean? No way will I turn off The Penis & Shoefly Show! I love you guys too much."

"Okay-- Todd? If you can't turn the radio off or move to a different room, we're going to hang up."

"Wait! Wait! I can go to another room."

"Okay."

"Can you hear me better now?"

"Yeah that's better. Now let's see here... so you're the guy to look out for, huh? You're the guy sleeping with all our wives?"

"Guess you could say that."

"I sense a certain amount of pride in your voice."

"Well I do get a lotta freaky Texas bush."

"And what's your appeal, exactly? I mean are you attractive? ...rich?"

"Yeah I'm young. Pretty good-looking. Athletic. Have a nice job. Women get bored with their husbands and I scoop 'em up."

"And you have no remorse for ruining their lives?"

"Hey it takes two to tango. And I'm not ruining their lives. I kinda resent you saying that, Penis... I give these ladies what they want. What they need. They sure-as-shart ain't getting it from their husbands."

"Now lemme ask you something... Have you ever been married yourself?"

"Yeah.... I'm married now."

"You are married?"

"Yes."

"And does your wife know about all the women you're sleeping with?"

"Sure hope not!"

"But I mean... Todd... how would you feel if somebody slept with your wife?"

"Hey, that's my wife you're talkin' about!"

"I know, I know... You'd be pretty upset if someone slept with her, right?"

"You're dang right I would!"

"Well guess what, Todd? Earlier this week, my partner Shoefly tracked down your wife at the supermarket and propositioned her. Shoefly is young, decent-looking and he has a great job here at The Badger, Houston's Hottest Country Station."

"You gotta be shittin' me!"

"Shoefly had country sex with your wife Cynthia."

"I'll kill her!"

"There's more, Todd..."

"What?!"

"Remember earlier when we told you to turn down your radio?"

"Yeah..."

"We were messing with you. We could hear you fine. You were coming in clear and crisp."

"HA, HA! You guys are the best! I listen to you all the time!"

"We gotta get a break in here... You're listening to The Penis & Shoefly Show on Houston's Hottest Country Station... 109.5, The Badger."

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