"You're tuned to
109.5 The Badger... Houston's Hottest Country Station. This is the
Penis & Shoefly Show. I'm Penis..."
"And I'm Shoefly. We've
been talking all morning about extramarital affairs and our next
caller is a self-proclaimed home-wrecker. Todd, you're on
The Penis & Shoefly Show..."
"Good morning, guys. I
love your show so much... I listen to you all the time, I swear to
"Todd can you turn your
radio down please?"
"You need to turn down
your radio. There's feedback..."
"But I love your show.
I listen all the time at high volumes. To your show."
"Yeah but when you're
on the air and you're listening to yourself through the radio, it
creates problems with the audio stream. Just turn your radio off for
a few minutes while we talk."
"What do you mean? No
way will I turn off The Penis & Shoefly Show! I love you
guys too much."
"Okay-- Todd? If you
can't turn the radio off or move to a different room, we're going to
"Wait! Wait! I can go
to another room."
"Can you hear me better
"Yeah that's better.
Now let's see here... so you're the guy to look out for, huh? You're
the guy sleeping with all our wives?"
"Guess you could say
"I sense a certain
amount of pride in your voice."
"Well I do get a lotta
freaky Texas bush."
"And what's your appeal, exactly? I mean are you attractive? ...rich?"
"Yeah I'm young. Pretty
good-looking. Athletic. Have a nice job. Women get bored with their
husbands and I scoop 'em up."
"And you have no
remorse for ruining their lives?"
"Hey it takes two to
tango. And I'm not ruining their lives. I kinda resent you saying
that, Penis... I give these ladies what they want. What they need.
They sure-as-shart ain't getting it from their husbands."
"Now lemme ask you
something... Have you ever been married yourself?"
"Yeah.... I'm married
"You are married?"
"And does your wife
know about all the women you're sleeping with?"
"But I mean... Todd...
how would you feel if somebody slept with your wife?"
"Hey, that's my wife
you're talkin' about!"
"I know, I know...
You'd be pretty upset if someone slept with her, right?"
"You're dang right I
"Well guess what, Todd?
Earlier this week, my partner Shoefly tracked down your wife at the
supermarket and propositioned her. Shoefly is young, decent-looking
and he has a great job here at The Badger, Houston's Hottest Country
"You gotta be shittin'
"Shoefly had country
sex with your wife Cynthia."
"Remember earlier when
we told you to turn down your radio?"
"We were messing with
you. We could hear you fine. You were coming in clear and
"HA, HA! You guys are
the best! I listen to you all the time!"
"We gotta get a break
in here... You're listening to The Penis & Shoefly Show on
Houston's Hottest Country Station... 109.5, The