HOW TO SEEM SMART

You can tell lies to make yourself seem interesting, but I got a better thing. It's not a funny dialect, nor is it a tongue reserved for fat rich people. Anyone can speak this language. It's much more useful than French or Spanish or any other dead language. To put it bluntly, it's bullshit. Just make words up. Nobody will question you. Instead they'll assume that your vocabulary is superb. For instance, instead of saying:

"Well, sir, that depends on several factors,"

You can say:

"Well, sir, that's depensive upon several factors."

Depensive isn't a real word, but your boss will assume it is if you say it right. He might even start using depensive in his own conversations.

The point is.... you gotta make people think that they are dumb and that you am smart. You'll get a lot of pleasure outta this. But be warned... an intelligent listener might challenge your bullshit words, perhaps even going so far as to consult a pocket dictionary. It's never happened to me because I speak angrily, but if some brainiac tries to expose you when you say "antiangular" instead of "straight," just respond with:

"A lot of times when it comes to dictionaries, many words are unlisted. Like phone numbers."

Here are some words to get you started:

Tribulant: Something causing anguish or irritation.
\ TRIB-yoo-lint \ n
EX: Pollen and mosquitos are common summertime tribulants.

Sheddle: To destroy.
\ SHED-l \ v
EX: The abandoned home was sheddled to the ground.

Wingdrive: To transport by means of flight.
\ WING-drive \ v
EX: Those walrus feet were wingdriven to japan, where they are considered delicacies.

Spong: Any parallelogram having 5 or more sides.
\ SPAHNG \ n
EX: The Pentagon is a spong.

Humacious: Large and spacious.
\ hyu-MAY-shuss \ adj
EX: The humacious cemetery accommodated both side's of Peter's family

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