JESUS CHRIST

About 2000 years ago, a baby named Jesus Christ was born in a drafty barn. Jesus grew up quick and took a job as a carpenter. He lived in the middle east and he had good hair and good upper-body strength.

Jesus' muscles were smooth and his abs were just right. Many guys nowadays overdo weight-training and they look like fools. Not Jesus. He did a basic free-weight routine every day. And he also did a muscle confusion program once per week. After his workouts, Jesus rewarded himself with low-fat yogurts. He leaned against the weight machines while he ate them with a small spoon. And he also drank Mister Pibbs.

Jesus did not put on very much extra bulk, he just trimmed down and got fully toned, especially in the upper-body regions. And Jesus probably was not trying to impress you or anybody else with his looks. He just wanted to feel good about himself when he looked in the mirror, which he did a lot in order to get his hair perfect, and to make sure his penis was not exposed because the robes back then were more loose than today.

Jesus' hairdo was soft like Cher's, but it also had the poofiness and coloration of Charles Manson. Back during biblical times, guys didn't have time to worry about hair, but Jesus made time because he didn't want his head to look like a straggly thorn bush. In conclusion, Jesus focused on his upper body looks and it paid off because Easter and Christmas never lost their meanings.

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