ME AND DUKE

This is my boyfriend Duke and we're gettin' married. And we don't care about nuttin' so yall can suck it. Pardon my French.

Duke know how to hold a baby. And he already got a good job at the Corn Puff factory. Not like we gotta explain junk to y'all. We in love. Aunt Cory said she'll knit up a baptismal gown for baby Jade soon as she's born. Even though the last time I got a baby baptized the priest was a major dillweed and told me to spit my gum out. I marched right up to him and hollered, "HEY! MY GUM AIN'T WANNA SPIT OUT!" And you shoulda seen the look on his face. But that's priests for ya.

[ DING-DONG ]

Oh hold up. They's somebody at the door.

"Hello what you want?"
"Hi there... Are you Holly Wolfram?"
"That's Mrs. Holly Wolfram-Montaine."
"I just have Wolfram."
"Wa-ever. You here to fix the television?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, come in. The television is in the social parlor. I can show you. The dial keeps turning unexpected-like."
"Wow, I haven't seen one of these babies in years! Let's fire her up and see what happens."

[ CLICK ]

"HEY GUYS! This is Bryce Talon with another ON THIS ROCKIN' DAY segment, where your favorite bands sing about cool historical facts. Enough with the small-talk.... Ladies and gentleman, THE BLACK EYED PEAS!!!!!!!

"On this rockin' day in 1998
Yeah baby, baby

Game show host Ray Combs
OOooooo, La la la la la

was found dead in his one-bedroom apartment
Shooby doo

with 12 self-inflicted gunshot wounds to his face."

[ Bzzzzzzz;;;;;; Krchhhhttt;; ......Gcccccccccccchh ]

"Welcome back to 'America's Next Topless Toddler'. Okay, next up is Damien Burbanks. He's only 2, but he's a natural on the runway. You can tell. He's putting almost his entire hand into his mouth now and it looks like--"

[ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ;;;; GRRRRRRRR;; KRUNCHHHHHHHH;;;; ]

[ CLICK ]

"Well Miss Wolfram, this is going to take a lot of time and money, but I'm pretty sure I can fix your TV."
"That's Mrs. Wolfram-Montaine. Go ahead and get started."

Where was I? Oh yeah, the weddin'.... I know it seems like we ain't ready, but aunt Cory told me somethin' that keeps runnin' through my nut. She said I'll definitely know I'm ready when my heart-song tells me so. I think that's beautiful, and you know what? I hear my heart-song singin' now. It's telling me to invite EVERYBODY to the weddin'. Unless you a nigger. Pardon my French.

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