PIZZA PONY

"Thank you for calling Pizza Pony. My name is Scooby. How can I help you?"

"Your name is Scooby?"

"Yeah. Or just plain Scoobs."

"Well--"

"Scoobs is more casual. Call me that."

"All right. Can I order a pizza.... Scoobs?"

"Yes. And what do they call you at home, sir?"

"Jeff."

"Well I'm gonna call you Scoobs Junior. So.... Do you wanna try the Pizza Pony Snacky Pack?"

"What the hell is that?"

"One large single topping pizza, one liter of Siera Mist, and one jumbo bag of candy."

"It comes with candy?"

"For you it does. Twizzlers."

"But I don't really want candy. I'll just get the pizza."

"Listen, the candy is free with the pizza, though. As a favor. Take the Twizzlers. It's a better deal."

"No thanks."

"Give them to somebody at work."

"No. Can I please just order a pizza?"

"Yes."

"And no candy."

"Fine."

"I'll take one lar--"

"Are you worried about cavities or something??"

"What? ...No, I just don't like candy."

"Brush your teeth twice per day and you won't get cavities."

"I already do that."

"The top ones in the morning and the bottom ones at night?"

"....."

"Just kidding. Okay, no candy. Do you still want the Siera Mist? I can modify your Snacky Pack pretty easily."

"No... just a pizza... no Snacky Pack."

"Tell you what.... I'm going to put a free spool of ribbon in the the box. For free. Any color within reason. Don't request an odd-ball color, Scoobs Junior."

"Good-bye."

---------------------------------------------

Scooby didn't make the sale that day. His manager pulled him aside and they exchanged the following words:

"Scooby, we've been getting a lot of complaints."

"About the pizza?"

"No, no.. about your performance. Pizza Pony strives to employ the best people available and... this is very hard for me because I like you... but we have to let you go."

"How come?"

"Because of the complaints! You make up these so-called Snacky Pack combo deals and it pisses people off. There's no such thing as Snacky Packs."

"What?"

"Scooby, please leave."

"Scoobs is more casual."

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