TAMMY AND BOB

[TAMMY AND BOB]

"Wait... what were we just talking about?"

"You were going to tell me how you got your glass eye, and then you kinda went into a trance."

"No... I mean yeah... but before that?"

"Ummm, well you said something about an episode of 'Perfect Strangers' when Balki broke the fourth wall by staring directly into the camera for twenty-eight minutes because he was mad at the director."

"Oh yeah... That was a weird episode.... or epperino as I like to say."

"Why do you say epperino instead of episode?"

"I just do."

 

[TAMMY AND CINDY]

"So did Bob finally tell you about his eye?"

"No! He came so close last night. I mean I really thought he was going to tell me. But as soon as the subject came up, he went quiet and started convulsing a little."

"Jeez oh man. How long can a guy go without talking about his glass eye? If I had one, I'd mention it all the time. Constantly. You should just ask him."

"I can't! He'll tell me when he's ready, Cindy. But I really do wanna know."

 

[TAMMY AND BOB AGAIN]

"...and then Theo started beating Rudy with his slipper because he caught her coloring the pictures in Mr. Huxtable's medical journals.."

"Bob, I don't remember that episode. I mean epperino. And I used to love that show."

"Well that's what happened."

"Okay. Um... Hey I got a question for you."

"Ask me anything, baby."

"How did you get your--"

"Just don't ask me about my glass eye. That's the only subject I won't discuss. I will never reveal how I got my glass eye, no matter how close we get."

"But why?"

"I just don't."

 

[TAMMY AND CINDY AGAIN]

"So what happened last night?"

"Well I tried asking him straight up how he got the glass eye and he got really weird and defensive. I don't think it's gonna work out."

"Jeez-oh-mama-diddily."

 

[TAMMY AND BOB AGAIN]

"Baby, would you mind moving down-wind of me? Your perfume is giving me a sore throat."

"Sure. Um....Hey Bob, do you remember that epperino of 'Roseanne,' when Jackie dumped Booker because he wouldn't tell her the story behind his glass eye?"

"No, no, the way I remember it was... Jackie and Booker got married and, long story short, she never asked him about his glass eye. And they both lived together for the rest of their lives. And there was a spin-off series called "Jackie & Booker" which was about their happy relationship. And the subject of Booker's glass eye never came up. Never. And the show lasted for 20 seasons and it's still going strong today. And the ratings have never been higher."

"Listen Bob--"

"All-time highest ratings."

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