night in November, the decapitated head of republican senator Henry
Ham was discovered sewn to the right shoulder of democratic senator
Shirly Shitbrains. "This model of bipartisanship," commented
the two-headed senator in unison, "is very promising and effectively
doubles the available seats in senate."
More politicians began arriving
to work with bipartisan heads until all the interests of rich, white
americans were dutifully served. Also... fags were permitted to kiss
in military uniform, and the rainforests were kinda protected.
The impoverished huddled
masses were somehow overlooked during all of this, but sensing a decent
opportunity, they began sewing their heads onto the shoulders of sleeping
The rich folks woke up alarmed,
having never felt so claustrophobic or unclean, and began sewing their
heads onto the already crowded shoulders of sleeping senators, maybe
to encourage some kind of intervention.
The senators woke up alarmed
and approached the middle class for assistance since they were the only
group of single-headed people left who might get them out of this mess.
But the middle class was
hypnotized. They were too busy debating and bickering about unimportant
dull gray media issues. Too busy making up clever names for their opponents
and regurgitating talk-show garbage. Too busy being genuinely offended
by everything. So busy that they didn't notice the monster with a million
heads which proceeded to stomp the cuckoo nest.