THE MONSTER

One stormy night in November, the decapitated head of republican senator Henry Ham was discovered sewn to the right shoulder of democratic senator Shirly Shitbrains. "This model of bipartisanship," commented the two-headed senator in unison, "is very promising and effectively doubles the available seats in senate."

More politicians began arriving to work with bipartisan heads until all the interests of rich, white americans were dutifully served. Also... fags were permitted to kiss in military uniform, and the rainforests were kinda protected.

The impoverished huddled masses were somehow overlooked during all of this, but sensing a decent opportunity, they began sewing their heads onto the shoulders of sleeping rich folks.

The rich folks woke up alarmed, having never felt so claustrophobic or unclean, and began sewing their heads onto the already crowded shoulders of sleeping senators, maybe to encourage some kind of intervention.

The senators woke up alarmed and approached the middle class for assistance since they were the only group of single-headed people left who might get them out of this mess.

But the middle class was hypnotized. They were too busy debating and bickering about unimportant dull gray media issues. Too busy making up clever names for their opponents and regurgitating talk-show garbage. Too busy being genuinely offended by everything. So busy that they didn't notice the monster with a million heads which proceeded to stomp the cuckoo nest.

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