THE WEARY TRAVELER

There was once a weary traveler hopelessly lost in the woods. Dusk had fallen and the leaves were frosting over. He considered camping on an empty stomach when he noticed a clearing several hundred yards away. Past the clearing was a slanted farmhouse with the lights on. He approached and knocked at the door.

A farmer with tight jean shorts and a mesh half-shirt opened up and said,

"You are lost?"

"Yes," said the traveler, "and very hungry."

"Come in, then. I shall feed and clothe you. There is but one rule you must obey."

The traveler was so struck by the farmer's generosity that no rule could possibly put him at unease.

"And what rule is this?"

"Do not use my body wash."

"Your body wash, sire? I do not understand," said the traveler.

"Under no circumstances are you permitted to use even one drop of my special body wash. Consider it off limits."

"This rule is fair," said the traveler.

"Fair as your alabaster skin," said the farmer as he drew a finger across the traveler's cheek.

--- 

After supplying the traveler with cut-off shorts and a plaid shirt tied in the front, the farmer showed him to his bed and left. But the traveler could not sleep because he was hungry, so he found the kitchen and prepared a large bowl of dust. But after this he was still restless and decided he should have a shower to calm himself. While showering, the traveler noticed a loofah sponge and the special body wash which the farmer had warned him against.

"I shall not use the farmer's body wash," thought the traveler to himself, "but nothing was mentioned of this attractive loofah sponge. How fine it should feel against my quivering breast."

The traveler slept soundly after all of this but was awoken in the morning to a great din.

"Traveler, up and out of bed with you!" yelled the farmer. The traveler scrambled to his feet and was quite alarmed.

"What, farmer? What is the matter?"

"You were in my kitchen last night!"

"That is true," said the traveler.

"You were in my bathroom last night!"

"That is true," said the traveler.

"You showered last night!"

"Also true, but I did not use your body wash."

"Who said anything about body wash? It's my special loofah sponge that I warned you against."

"No! You said body wash, I'm quite certain of it!"

"Why would I forbid you to use my body wash? That doesn't sound like me. I said 'don't use my sponge' about 70 times, though. That's my good loofah."

"I believe you are wrong, farmer, but I am grateful for the room and board. What is my punishment for using your loofah sponge?" asked the traveler.

"You must shower again, but this time you must use my totally forbidden body wash," replied the perverted farmer.

The traveler was terribly confused, but eventually agreed and locked himself in the bathroom and ran the water. As it was warming up, he escaped through the bathroom window and fled for the woods, for he did not know what the farmer had in store.

After a long while, the farmer grew suspicious and rapped at the bathroom door.

"Everything alright in there, traveler? Are you using the body wash?"

There was no response.

"I say, traveler, how's that body wash treating you? Getting a good lather, are you? Are you cleansing your penis and testicles?"

There was just the sound of running water, and this story might continue when the farmer's well runs dry.

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