THIS PRODUCT

This product was made in the USA. This product should be stored in a cool, dry place. This product contains an explosive center core. This product urges you to set fires. This product longs for the good old days. This product plays billiards with your dead grandma in heaven. This product copies your homework. This product excavated the tomb of Bob Denver and poured holy water on his skeleton. Nothin' happened. This product admires your tasteful interior decor. This product made slow love to your spouse. This product crushes beer cans on its head. This product voted for Warren G. Harding. This product stares into strobe lights. This product wants to know if postage stamp configurations are acceptable when we play bingo. This product needs to use the restroom, please. It's an emergency. This product enjoys gambling on pony races. This product stockpiles weapons. This product would like to travel and see the world for like a year and then be done with it. This product is paralyzed from the wang down. This product want to touch your sweater. This product carries guitars around by their strings. This product is a professional magician's assistant. This product has thinning hair. This product is gonna make life easy for you. This product has a speech impediment. This product winks at little old ladies. This product was a loser in high school. This product flaps its wings 30 times per second. This product needs to know if you're serious about this relationship. This product saw a shooting star. This product bought an Eagle Scout badge from the thrift store for 90 cents. This product can quit drinking any time it wants. This product requires a cosigner to purchase a Chevy Malibu at Dave Halman's Autoplex. This product is expecting twins. This product screams inappropriately. This product saw you in the grocery store but was too shy to say hello. This product wishes to design fireworks displays for fun and profit. This product ate rice and beans every day for two years. This product fears returning to the penal colony. This product has hair like Elvis. This product trains exotic birds how to get by in America. This product This product challenges you to an arm wrestling competition. This product claimed you as a dependant. This product gathers mushrooms in the forest for authentic Italian meals This product thinks the world is so messed up, but this product is hopeful that things will get better. This product respects your religion and is tolerant and polite when you voice your sometimes unpalatable opinions. This product evens nods politely when you speak. This product hopes you'll extend the same courtesy. Everybody got a lot to say but what's the point in talking if nobody listens? This product is starting to sound like a girl and this product apologizes but this product isn't done yet. This product values wiggle room and maybe indecision. Please allow this product to elaborate... American culture tends to polarize everything. The sides of an issue are clearly defined in two dimensions-- "This" or "That" and a man is never given enough time to contemplate his position. This product thinks that there are many subjects so vast and complex that a lifetime can bring a man only a hair's width closer to understanding them. Why is it so important to take sides? Experience the gray area. Don't wallow or sulk in it. You're just a little cog in a big machine. Grease yourself in thoughtfulness and compassion and this product promises the wheel will turn. Take the bumper stickers off your car. You haven't given things enough thought to be so damn confident. That's the big trick... there's not enough time for confidence. This product enjoys metaphors and creative ways of getting points across, especially considering how explicit things are nowadays (or is that a banal observation that every generation wrestles with?). But yeah.. this product believes that if you force people to use their imagination and creativity instead of relying on old wisdom and ritual, they can heal themselves. This project wishes to move on to sunnier subjects. There is a lot of great music being recorded in spare bedrooms and basements all around the world but you'll never hear it. The thrill of discovering some body of work that few others know about is not easily described. At first you'll try to hide it and keep it to yourself. You'll plagiarize and imitate it and when somebody asks you if you came up with that, you'll say "yeah." But eventually you'll get bored and restless and start giving it all away. You'll be eating cereal or washing your butt in the shower when a sudden urge to share the wealth will kick in. Then you'll be an ambassador and pimp for the stuff you love. You'll show it to everybody and most folks won't connect to it like you do. Most people will just patronize you and you'll find it difficult to determine who's being sincere and who juzz wants you to go away and stop breathing on them. And then one day you'll realize why you love it and nobody else does. You love it BECAUSE nobody else does. This idea will disturb you and probably cause you to get rid of the things you thought were so great. It's a big cycle. Like getting to know people is a cycle. People seem great until you get to know them. The chemistry a lot of times evaporates like an open bottle of rubbing alcohol and it's like-- I know I had rubbing alcohol but there ain't know left in this here bottle. This product product side-winds, top-loads and bottom-feeds. This product features a leak-proof inner bladder that expands when heat is applied to the expansion nozzle. This product needs to do laundry but doesn't feel like it. This product isn't getting any younger. This product is alone in a room with a gun. This product admits to being fragile and poorly packed, but this product will not hesitate to sue your ass if any damage is observed. This product goes to a support group for scratch-off lottery tickets. This product can't really discern between major political parties cuz they all seem like the same crooks appealing to different demographics for their own preservation. This product keeps one cell phone charger at home and another at work for the convenience factor. This product enjoys the Canadian television program "Degrassi." ...Shane Kipple... and that brown-haired guy who writes all the songs for Downtown Sasquatch.. it's really pure. This product vaguely remembers the original version but this product was young when it came out. This product vaguely remembers a dude who wore a fucking straw hat or some shit. This product seeks employment at your father's mortgage company. This product is considering starting up a dog-walking business because it would be a great way to get exercise and meet new people. This product drinks a lot of water. This product makes its own gravy. This product feels guilty about ordering free trial subscriptions to magazines and canceling when the trial period expires. This product overheard its neighbor complaining to the landlord about how noisy the building gets on Saturday nights and the landlord blamed it on the guy who lives in #106. This product pays its credit card bill in full every month and has never incurred a late fee. This product refuses to pronounce certain words all fancy-style. Some of them words include but aren't limited to: Incomparable, irreparable, guillotine, Jesus (the Mexican name).. etc. This product regrets to inform you that the patent you are seeking cannot be rewarded at this time. Please see the enclosed documents for details regarding this decision. This product was putting an ice tray in the freezer and noticed a hair floating in one of the cube squares and after about 45 seconds of concerted effort to remove it, this product decided to freeze it and forget it. This product used to be a Fly Girl on the British version of "In Living Colour." This product refuses to sign an organ donor card cuz this product is gonna live forever

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