TIME TRAVELER TERRY LORD

A Report From The Future

Hey dill wipes. Oops-- did I forget to mention "dill wipe" means "friend" in the year 2017?

Well it does.

My name's Terry Lord and I just got back from the future for a special SKYDADDY exclusive report about the evolution of MTV's hit reality series, "The Real World."

In 2017 "The Real World" will be transported to a dusty farm in the deserted town of Skeebo, Alabama. There ain't no nightclubs, alcohol or hot tubs in Skeebo, and neighbors are few and far between. Kinda looks like a nuclear bomb test site.

A single Shetland pony named Bobby Williams will be provided to the cast for transportation and companionship. He comes with a comb and diabetes.

The cast will consist of the same nihilistic, delusional twenty-somethings of various ethnic and sexual backgrounds who make the present show depressing and unwatchable, but this time they will be forced to till the fallow soil of Skeebo Ranch until something grows. Cross your fingers, chubby mama.

Shawndra, a sexy blonde dyke from Vermont will try to escape the farm after her bulimia and self-inflicted wounds go unnoticed by the rest of the cast due to an outbreak of famine and bloody dysentery. She doesn't get far because Bobby Williams runs out of steam pretty quick and his breath starts smelling like farts. It ain't pretty.

Lacking contraception, the farm will immediately be populated with snotty kids in overalls whose eye-bugging appetite for Shetland pony meat will have Bobby Williams skewered on a spit with an apple in his mouth by the end of episode three. So long, Bobby... Good to know ya!

The children will then arrange their stupid parents on their backs across picnic tables with their heads dangling off the edge and slit their throats with a rusty sickle. Blood runs fast across sour earth as powerful stalks of wheat spring from spoiled corpses. The land transforms. The dilapidated farmhouse changes into a stately white mansion with fine mahogany woodwork, silver, and art. Skeebo becomes the capital of Alabama and eventually America. A picture of Bobby Williams goes on the five dollar bill and blah, blah, blah.

So that's "The Real World" in the year 2017. See you dill wipes in the future!

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